May 3, 2023

It is common to hear people talk about the need to establish healthy boundaries in life. That idea has been advanced by a book first published over 30 years ago entitled, Boundaries. The authors (2 men) are Christian and the influence of this book is evident from the millions of copies sold, and the multiple resources spawned from it (workbooks and curriculums for boundaries in dating, marriage, kids, etc). Boundaries has clearly pressed in on a sensitive and practical issue for many. This book claims that by “unpacking the ten laws of boundaries [the authors] show you how to bring new happiness and health to your relationships. You’ll discover firsthand how sound boundaries give you the freedom to walk as the loving, giving, and fulfilled individual God created to be.” Wow, who doesn’t want that? That is a tall claim, but is it true? So, I read the book. I will give you an overview, review and final thought.

Overview:

What are boundaries? The authors define them as “personal property lines that define who you are and who you are not, and they influence all areas of your life - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.”

The book has three parts:

1) Defining a boundary and identifying ten laws of boundaries (6 chapters)

2) Applying this to family, friends, marriage, family, work … even God (8 chapters)

3) Developing Healthy Boundaries (3 chapters)

The authors clearly want to help those who are people-pleasers and struggle with the unsustainable pressure of making others happy. They rightfully identify the negative consequences of living “the on-call life” and have counseled many through the years and draw upon many examples from this to illustrate their claims. They appeal to the Bible as a source of wisdom and see the benefit of the local church in helping people who are seeking to address issues in life.

Review:

Boundaries is unnecessarily long. (I think the editor needed to establish some boundaries.) Much of what they say is repetitive. But my biggest problem with it was that it is off-center. There is some common grace advice in it, but their counsel is not driven by Christ and the gospel. Therefore, their use of Scripture often ends up being proof texts to prop up their points instead of being accurate applications of the text. I appreciate the fact that the authors try to help people get under the skin and identify why we do or don’t do certain things that negatively impact us. However, this book doesn’t go deep enough.

Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.” Boundaries identifies and explores what some of those snares look and feel like. This is helpful in seeing the problem. The heart of our rescue is found in how we live out a fundamental trust in God. This is what is missing.

Many of us struggle with the fear of man. You can learn to live free from that, but I don’t think Boundaries gets you there. It replaces a life centered on the fear of man with a life centered on rules to make me free. The heart of our freedom is found in Christ.

What I do recommend is a book by Ed Welch entitled, When People Are Big And God Is Small. In fact, this book was just re-released this year. We have original copies in the bookstore and I have used this work for years. I think Ed really gets to the heart of the issue of why the fear of man is a snare and provides solid, biblical counsel on working through this.

Grace and peace,

Bob

Sunday’s Text: 2 Samuel 9:1-13